Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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