she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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