glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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