Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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