Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
