I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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