No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
