Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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