I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
