I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
