YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's the barista slut.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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