you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
