she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
