He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
