i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the condom got lost in my hair
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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