in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
