i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
