your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
