He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
