he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
