if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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