Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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