My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
