There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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