He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
