so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
