dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
