I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
