I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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