apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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