there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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