He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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