She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
