I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
