Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
