I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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