I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
