No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
