KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
