Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
