I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
