Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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