just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need water and some morals
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
