Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
