I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
