I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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