how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
