So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Rumble strips road head = magical
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
