So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I am available for nakedness
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
