Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
