Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
