I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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