I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
