you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
