Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
