He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
