My first STD was from a foam party
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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