I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
