I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
