Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
