I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
