She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
