shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
