I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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