nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
