If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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