I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
