Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
