Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's like iHOP with fire
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
