I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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