i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to make out with him forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
